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Saturday, October 16, 2021

Florida Man Out-Floridas Himself, Buys Beer While Wielding Live Alligator

Summer is for trying new things, right? It’s nice outside so why not go for the gusto? Emboldened by the weather, the riskier behavior seems a little less intimidating. Like, last year, 3.2 million people went skydiving. Isn’t that risky enough? Apparently not. You forget that, in Florida, it’s summer all the time, so things are a little different.

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While people are skydiving, taking road trips, and getting a decent tan, one Florida man Florida-ed so hard you can’t help but laugh. The now infamous Florida man, Robby Stratton, was thirsty. So he went to get more beer with an odd accessory in tow. Last year the bar industry sold more than 196 million kegs of beer, but we can bet none of it was to a man wielding an alligator.

Mr. Stratton was recorded, in a now-viral video, walking into a Florida convenience store with a live alligator under his arm in search of beer.

“Y’all ain’t out of beer are you?” He sees someone near the beer cooler and says, “Is he taking the last bit of beer? You aren’t taking the last bit of beer are you?”

Stratton proceeded to jokingly charge at the terrified man, alligator aloft. Apparently, people in the store laughed at the event and after chasing the stranger a little bit, he proceeded to grab his case of beer and buy it.

Police are investigating the incident because possessing a gator without a permit is a third-degree felony, punishable by up to $5,000 in fines or five years in prison.

The most absurd part of this is that Stratton remembers neither how he acquired the alligator, nor being in the store. He, reportedly, in a blackout, found an alligator and went to buy beer with it. His reasoning was predictable enough: “Alcohol, man.”

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“Yeah, I definitely regret it. It was stupid, it was stupid,” Stratton said in an interview.

As the investigation continues, Stratton is aware that he could potentially spend time in jail, which he seems not be too put off by.

This goes to show that if you don’t remember something, it still exists. Even more so with social media. If you’re enjoying a beer or several this summer, let’s keep it under control and leave the wildlife alone.

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