lucius gantt
Lucius Gantt is a columnist and commentator on political and social affairs. Buy Gantt’s latest book, “Beast Too: Dead Man Writing” and from bookstores everywhere. Contact him at “Like” The Gantt Report on Facebook

By Lucius Gantt

     After years and years of chasing cats, and Tom Cats, on the job, on the beach, at the school, at the party, at the club and even at the church, one day you’ll experience cat love at first sight or after the first meaningful conversation.

      In the cat courtship period, things seem to be going really well. You’re hitting the cat like Hammerin Hank was hitting home runs at the Atlanta Braves stadium. You’re standing up in it and hitting long line drives every day.

     Things are going great and one day the word “commitment” comes up after a cat pillow talk.

     No problem, if you’re in love, commitment or marriage is a logical step. You exchange vows and diamonds before family and friends and you promise to stay together and to forsake all other cats and Tom Cats.

     One day, however, you might feel the thrill has gone away from the cat house. One person doesn’t eat as much cat food as they used to, one doesn’t want to be “hit” as much as they once wanted to and so fourth. Every night it seems someone says “I’m tired”, “I don’t feel good”, “I have to get up early”, “The kids can hear us” or “Wait until Friday, then I’ll give you a taste”.  

     Soon after the cat thrill is gone, you or your partner begin to consider some alternatives and a friend or coworker will suggest that you get up on a “Side Cat”!

      You still love your house cat but the side cat smiles when they see you, wiggles her tail when they dance with you and after an expensive restaurant serving of baked salmon or a good tuna casserole, you might be able to go deep, so to speak, in a new side cat affair.

     You don’t want to leave your cat but you are interested and intrigued by your irresistible side cat that will do things that you can’t do at home.

     The felines with the best cat are considered crazy because they are emotional, they put their feelings into it and oftentimes put their back into it!

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     The side cat knows you are in a relationship or marriage but they don’t want to break up a happy home, they just want have a few dollars or to have fun on a trip to the Bahamas. Afterwards, they send you back to your house cat.

    The side cat can look really good from afar but some side cats are far from looking good.

     If you are married, be loyal to your house cat. If you are not, do what is best.

     Whatever you do, honesty is the best policy. Don’t get talked about or laughed about in the barber shops or beauty salons. And, don’t let a neighbor cat tell your house cat they saw you rubbing up on a side cat at the club.

      You can also consider same cat sex relations but if you don’t know, same sex has the same problems.

       Keep things tight and the catnip right or the kitty litter will hit the fan!, if you desire, to express your opinions on this very important topic.