By Alma Gill
Dear Alma,
My wife and I divorced after 38 years of marriage. I still don’t understand why, I want to work it out, but she does not. I had intended on spending the rest of my life with her and now that won’t happen. We had our ups and downs, but overall I thought we had a solid commitment and happy marriage. I was happy. She said that she was not and that I never listened to her. She also gave many other reasons that I don’t think are true or care to discuss. Sometimes I feel like my life is over. I have listened to all her lies and lately I’ve been thinking about my children and how I don’t think they look like me and I wonder if I am their father. When they were young and we were married I didn’t think much about it. But now they are all adults and listening to their mother and all of her lies, it makes me wonder. I want them to have a DNA test and I want my wife to pay for it. I do not want to discuss this with anybody in my family. Can you tell me where to get a DNA test of your children?
Signed,
I Want A DNA Test
Dear DNA Test,
Oh no I won’t, but what I will do is try to stop you before you commence to making a mockery of your marriage and children with such foolery. Don’t you dare consider asking your adult children for a DNA test. You’ve raised them and they believe you to be their father, so then, that’s it – you are! Your statue of limitations to confirm that has passed. Look on the bright side, like my mama use to say, “you feed ‘em they’ll favor you.” LOL. So put your glasses back on.
I get the impression you’re a man of few words, and since I totally disagree with you, I won’t keep you long. Asking for a DNA test from your children will only devastate and alienate them and you don’t want to do that. You’re hurt and the thought of finding love again seems impossible. Understandingly so, you were not planning to live out your latter years alone. Here’s my point, as long as you have life, you have another chance at love.
The mind can be tricky during the healing process of heartbreak. Having endured more than a few myself, I remember every negative thought or action becomes totally consuming, taking you to a place where you can’t clearly decipher rational from irrational. I’m sorry you weren’t able to work things out with your wife, but I assure you, your life will get better.
Check out some old family pictures, you’re surely to be surprised and I hope tickled by the moments of reminiscing. Your kids look like you when you were younger, it’s you who changed. Age crept up on you and made a few adjustments, LOL.
Please, adhere to my advice, drop the notion or need for a DNA test. Don’t demean the love of your children as a pawn to get back at your wife. Whenever there’s an opportunity for you to continue to be the best father possible, you should take it. Invest in yourself, get back out there, go to church, volunteer, join a gym.
I know it may seem difficult as the days go by, but wake up appreciating life every day. This experience is the end of marriage, not your life. Meet death by surprise, don’t allow it to become a destination. The rest of your life can be the best of your life. It all depends on you.
Alma
Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washing- ton Post. Email questions to: alwaysaskalma@gmail.com. Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and twitter @almaaskalma.
