“Yo, yo, guys. What’s up?” Fat Mack’s eyes were fixed on a humungous triple-decker cheeseburger he was about to bite into. “Did did y’all hear about that Delta Airlines plane that crashed and flipped over in Toronto?”
“Mack, Mack, Mack,” I can only imagine the level of confusion registering on my face. “Where have you been? Planes have been dropping out of the skies like vultures zeroing in on a carcass.”
“That’s good, Scoops,” Uncle G said, ruffling his newspaper. “I like what you did there with that metaphor.”
“Thanks, Uncle G,” I smiled.
Fat Mack looked annoyed. “You’re not the only one who knows what’s happening in the world, Jimmy Olson,” he said.
“Ouch, Mack,” I said, stung by the reference to Lois Lane’s cub reporter friend. “My bad.”
“‘My bad’ nothing,” Mack shot back. “My point– before you interrupted me– was going to be that the people on board that plane were fortunate to have survived. But in terms of my understanding of what’s going on– if you want to go there,” he took a big bite of that burger and his cheek puffed out like a balloon, “I am fully aware that on January 20 Trump gutted the FAA, and two days later, he disbanded the Aviation Security Committee in the name of being anti-DEI.”
“Okay,” I said slowly, treading carefully ’cause I didn’t want to risk further ticking him off.
Little Willie shifted in his seat. “what pisses me off is that DEI is code for black people. In reality, though,–“
“That’s not true, my brother,” Mack cut him off. “They might be trying to get at the racial and ethnic minorities by using “DEI,” but when they attack DEI, they also attack white women, white people with disabilities, and white vets.”
“Yeah, I get that, Mack,” Little Willie shot back, “but if they get rid of black folk by claiming they were DEI hires, that same anti-DEI policy is going to prevent them from re-hiring that same black person who knows that job. It’s all bull.”
“Yeah,” Mack said over and around that bite of burger he was chewing. “So after Trump cleared out the top brass at the FAA, he filled it with non-DEI, unqualified people, and on Jan. 23, the first plane crashed—“
“Wait,” I said, “wasn’t that the 29th?”
“Nope,” Mack rolled his eyes at me. “Like most people, you’re thinking the first crash was the Washington, DC crash— but it wasn’t. The DC crash was the second crash, not the first.”
I was racking my brain, trying to recall an earlier crash. Secretly, I was kind of impressed with my best friend.
“Then, on the 31st, a plane crashed in Philadelphia.” Mack wiped his mouth and picked up his burger again. “The very next day, on February 1st, there was another plane crash near Ennis, Texas. And on February 5 a Japanese Airlines plane collided with a Delta Airlines flight while on the runway in Seattle.”
“Damn, Mack,” I said. “I’m—“
“That same day,” Mack cut me off with a wave, “February 5th, a plane crashed in Arkansas, and one day later, on February 6, another plane disappeared over Alaska. Ten people were on board, and later they were all found dead.”
Everyone in the diner was enraptured by this impromptu presentation. Most had half-smiles on their faces and nodded as Mack spoke– not because they knew what he was saying was fact, but because they knew that HE knew.
“Another plane crashed in Scottsdale, Arizona on the 10th,” Mack continued, “and on the 12th another military plane crashed into the San Diego Bay.”
“Go Mack,” Little Willie cheered, and silent claps could be seen around the room. No one wanted to interrupt him.
“Now, even though these crashes didn’t start happening until after he started dismantling DEI– because he said it lowered standards– Trump fired hundreds— hundreds— of FAA employees on Feb 15.”
“Yeah,” I said, “and that same day a plane crashed in Florida. Flagler County, I believe.”
“Can anybody spell ‘incompetence’?” Uncle G asked, a few cackles heard around the room.
“And another one crashed the same day in Covington, Georgia,” Willie chimed in.
“Uh huh,” Mack devoured the last piece of his cheeseburger. “And then, the very next day, on February 16, TWO planes crashed in Texas. Ain’t that a bi**h?”
“Yeah, another one– the plane leaving Minnesota– crashed in Toronto on the 17th,” I contributed, and —“
“And,” Mack cut me off one last time, “another plane crashed in Marana, Arizona on February 19.”
Mack wiped his brow and gulped down what seemed like a quart of sweet tea. When you eat like he eats, you’ll work up a sweat, too.
“That was really impressive,” Ricky G said from a table across the diner. “You need to do a podcast,” he said.
“My grandfather was always saying: ‘If it ain’t broke don’t fix it.’” Mack said. “Diversity, Equality and Inclusion is how you make sure you get the best, because your worker pool is larger and there are more people to choose from.”
“So true,” I said. “The only thing that is guaranteed when you lock out people who are potentially smarter and better equipped is the very mediocrity Trump says he is against.”
