Jeb Bush is beginning to run for presidente on one platform and one platform only: that he can deliver the Republican party to El Dorado – that is, the Mexican masses who are the future of America and can keep the GOP from going the way of the Whigs.
Yes, he’s the brother of George 43 and son of George 41, and he successfully ran Florida for eight years, an effort that deserves a Macarthur Genius grant or something. But the only thing that distinguishes Jeb from the other Reeps interested in throwing their sombrero into the 2016 presidential race is his relationship with Latinos.
See, Jeb has this crazy idea that Latinos are humans and worthy of living in this country, something that he’s tried to teach to his fellow conservatives to no avail. So instead, he’s made a point of reaching out to us, from anti-Castro Cubans in Miami, to the immigrants to whom he can speak in perfect Spanish, to his very own family: his wife is a Mexican immigrant.
Jeb Bush won the Latino vote in his two gubernatorial races, so he seems like the perfect candidate to save the GOP from its xenophobic meltdown. (Even if Latino voters in Florida were way more conservative back in the 90s than the increasingly Democratic national voting bloc of today.) His family is a fabulous metaphor for the browning of America. (Even if his daughter has had her drug problems, but, hey: who says Mexicans can’t assimilate?) And you gotta give Jeb respect for inflicting his “little brown ones” (as abuelito George 41 infamously referred to his own grandchildren) on a party that desperately needs color.
